Although I wouldn’t describe myself as a victim, I definitely have had disempowering beliefs and habits running my life. I’ve felt powerless about my circumstances, my family, my finances and my relationships. Like so many people, I’ve experienced childhood trauma, abusive relationships, financial struggles, freak accidents and mysterious health issues.
When life throws us one curveball after another, it seems logical to conclude that life is fundamentally unfair and that what happens to us is just the luck of the draw. We have learned to speak in terms of what has “happened to me.”
Feeling like a victim is an easy trap to fall into. Believing we are powerless in any aspect of our life allows us to avoid taking responsibility for it. It’s easier to believe “that just the way it is” than it is to do the inner work necessary to change our circumstances or our outlook.
What if there were no such thing as coincidences?
What if everything – including that accident, illness, loss or trauma – happened for a reason? What if it’s just a matter of paying attention to discover the underlying meaning?
In my case, after a mysterious skin rash and yet another concussion, I began to question conventional explanations – not just for those events – but for everything.
What if getting melanoma in my 20s had nothing to do with the sun? What if that abusive relationship in my 30s was a harsh reminder to finally deal with the abuse I experienced as a child? What if that third concussion in my 40s was the wakeup call I needed to take a deeper look at my life and my beliefs?
My life really started to transform when I realized three things.
1) I was 100% responsible for everything in my life.
2) I am creating my own experience in every moment.
3) I can decide what something means.
I am responsible.
Being responsible is not about blame. Blame implies wrongness. Being responsible is about empowerment.
We are much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. We’ve had a hand in designing every circumstance, situation, obstacle and triumph in our life. Even the things that seem to be happening to us are attracted to us by our thoughts, beliefs, actions and behaviors.
My melanoma didn’t just appear out of nowhere. I had been unknowingly poisoning myself for years with toxins from my food and environment, as well as years of unresolved anger.
When I took responsibility, I had the courage to see how my thoughts, beliefs, decisions and actions contributed to that event, and to where I am in my life right now.
I create my own experience each moment.
Whether we realize it or not, each of us is creating every second – not just with our actions, but with our thoughts and assumptions as well. When we’re run by automatic habits, limiting beliefs and childhood programming, we’re unconsciously creating.
We say things like “it runs in our family” or “this happened to me.” We see ourselves as a victim of our circumstances, our genes or the rat race of modern life. This is unconscious creating.
After the melanoma, for instance, my slathering myself with sunscreen and avoiding the sun was coming from a place of victimhood. Covering up and avoiding did not address any of the conditions within me that created the problem.
When I began to take responsibility for everything in my life, I shifted from a place of victimhood to one of empowerment. I questioned my beliefs and assumptions. I learned more about the chemicals and toxins in my food, personal products, cleaners and home environment. I took inspired action from I learned.
From that state of empowerment, I started to consciously create what I really want.
I can decide what something means.
Two people could have the same thing happen to them and experience it quite differently. We interpret life through our own unique filters and experiences and then decide what those experiences mean. Our state of being, whether positive or negative, comes from our reaction to things and the meaning we give them. The reaction and the meaning are supplied by us.
That’s great news. It means we can change the story we tell ourselves. We can decide why something happened.
What if that accident or illness catapulted you to be more loving, caring or compassionate? What if the trauma you experienced was an invitation to embrace and develop your inner life? What if each of us knowingly agrees to these experiences before we incarnate on this planet? What if all of it is a way for our soul to evolve and grow?
We can draw new conclusions from our life experiences and choose ones that support our own peace, happiness and growth.
I now realize my melanoma was a gift. Had it happened later in life – and not in my 20s – I might have assumed it was from a lifetime spent outdoors and looked no further. I would have missed an important wakeup call.
Think about your own life, or even this last week – the things that happened, things people said to you, the ideas you had. Could there be a deeper meaning in any of those events?
A powerful practice in personal transformation is to spend an entire day assuming that every person that comes into your experience has a message for you.
What are colleagues saying in casual conversations that are really messages from your Higher Self? What does it mean when you notice yellow butterflies everywhere? What message lies in your family member’s debilitating illness?
Pretend for one day that everything anyone says or does is all about you. Assume each person you interact with is showing you a part of yourself that you have hidden or denied. Just one day of doing this in earnest will give you as many gems and insights to work with as any self-development workshop – and without paying a single cent for it.
When we regularly question our assumptions and remain open and curious, our entire life can transform into one with greater meaning, self-love and healing.
One way to challenge your assumptions and create the life you want is with my book Unplug Your Robot. In it, you’ll find a practical roadmap to unplug from the stores and habits that stand in the way of lasting happiness.
